So lately I have had more days where I haven't cried than ones where I have, and although I will always. Always. love and miss the baby we lost, I finally feel like I am going to be able to move forward. I feel like I can have conversations with people and not randomly break down in tears. I feel like a good mother again, because for a while I wasn't. I was selfish and hurting and needed to grieve. But today. Today was a good day.
Today was a balmy 44 degrees, almost unheard of for a Minnesota January day. We went and bought new shoes (6 wides - my fat footed little guy!), and a walk sounded like just the perfect thing to get out of the house, with the sidewalks having melted and being so clear of snow for my tentative walker!
Oh you guys, we discovered puddles. I am not a mom to stop a kid from playing in a puddle, even after spending an obscene amount of money for stride rites.
And just look at that face. How could I deny the joy on that face (and next stop Target, where we will be investing in a pair of rubber boots for the spring)? Also, as I knew it would, it ended with a face plant in a puddle. We made it almost an hour though - with some frozen toes for proof.
He kept running from puddle to puddle shouting, "This one, this one!" Because I kept pointing to puddles and asking him, "What about this one?"
And this one. My keeper, my heart. You were worth every sleepless night, every penny spent. Every moment I spend with you is the best use of my time I can think of. Thank you for slowing me down to enjoy the puddles in life. And that's why we have these little people, right? Because in the end they're worth every pain they induce. So today was not without tears, but definitely one of the good ones with more in sight.
Boom Bang Sigh
4 hours ago