Monday, June 18, 2012

Two

A 2 year old with better things to do than have his picture taken.


Eliot -

It pains me to think that you won't remember this year. We all had so much fun, especially you. You started walking and started talking in sentences. You are sweet, love to cuddle when you're tired, love water, love to swing (ok, that one has never stopped), love to sing, love to play "get you" for hours, love to run up and down "hee-lls" (that's hills, with two syllables and a southern accent), love cartoons, games, trains, trucks, tractors, and you are always asking to go outside. You are so adorable sometimes I just want to eat you. You've become a lot more independent though (and therefore let me nibble on your knees less often), and lately have taken to pointing at yourself and proudly stating "I do it!" or "I Eliot!" Yes darling, yes you are. You are so you now, so much your own person and I am so proud of you.

You are my joy, but you are stubborn. This year has introduced us to picky toddler eating. There are things I know you'd love (like pie! Sweet delicious pie!) that you refuse to even put in your mouth because you haven't seen them before. I have to make sure I pick my battles with you because you'll win unless I physically prevent you from something, which really feels unfair, and I'm sure you hate it too.

Most nights you still join us in bed around 3am, but we don't mind. I think I miss you too by 3am. Speaking of 3am, did I mention how loud you are? You have no inside voice, everything is a yell, and stated about 20 times (ship! ship! ship! choochoo! choochoo! choochoo! pizza! pizza! pizza!). You just have to make sure people are paying attention. Listen to you yell Mamadada (sometimes we are one entity) over and over at 3 in the morning is a little less cute.
Our new nightly routine consists of "books in bed" as you call it. Where we attempt to limit you to four seven books to read in our bed. When we're headed to the bedroom you'll look at me and say "Mama too? Mama too?" Just to make sure I'm coming. It breaks my heart every night little boy because I know some day you will not be cuddling between your mom and dad in bed reading stories, you will probably hate being reminded that you ever did. There will be a last "Mama too?" a last "books in bed" just as there was a last time you had a bottle, sat in the baby swing, sat in a bouncy chair. It's so funny how we used to use those things so often and then never even noticed when we stopped. Will I notice your last "Mama too?" I'm pretty sure I won't, I'll just look back at some point and realize we don't do that anymore. As this time-warp of a year has proven, I only have a short time with you like this. That I have to jar "Mama too?" up in a bottle and keep it close to my heart, as sappy as that sounds. (Being a mom has given me a whole new capacity for sappiness, don't even try and stop it). But Eliot, no matter how big you get I will always come when you need me. I'll strive to be whatever you'll need me for at the time, even though I love your two year old needs for now and wish they could always be this simple. I know some day you might need me to disappear for a while, or drop you off at a corner, but just know you can always have your Mama too when you need her. That's the beauty of growing up though. You keep moving on to something more fun, more appropriate for your age and abilities, and you always let us know when it's time to move on as long as we listen.

I love you Eliot. I can't wait to see where you take us next. Happy second birthday.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Rounding the 5th week

I'm scared to even write this post. I'm scared of the possible negative outcomes. I'm so scared to open up my heart to this baby, knowing that it could all end so quickly. But here we are, and I'm 5 weeks pregnant, and no matter what I say I know that I am head over heels for this little one and there's nothing I can do about it. I know I have been more reserved about this pregnancy, I've been slower to get excited about things, taking my time with planning anything, not really even bringing much up with Chris. I just don't want to get too far ahead of myself, but sweet baby, I love you so much already and you're so wanted and I hope with all my might that we get to meet you and take you home. Please be ok in there. There's so much love and amazingness out here and a big brother who would love to meet you too.
Love,
Mama