Thursday, July 17, 2014

Well...Better Late than Never

So happy (belated) birthday Eliot. Did you know life has been crazy lately? Life has been crazy. Crazy in such a good way. I think this last year was the switch from you being physically difficult to parent to being more mentally difficult to parent. You are so much more physically independent, you can get dressed by yourself, go to the bathroom yourself, heck you could even put on your shoes by yourself if they didn't suck so much. You ask so many questions, why do we use our seatbelts? Where does dad work? What does mom do? Why do we have noses? And my personal favorite: Why can't we take our feet off?

You're awesome, you're still funny as ever, and you're so loving. You are so social, heading right up to kids and calling them friend and trying to get them to play with you. And you're so disappointed when they're too shy to do it. Hurt, actually. It's hard to see you put yourself out there and get shot down, but you don't stop. Which makes me so proud of you.

No video this year, I think 3 years is all I can handle. Can I just say you're awesome?  And I don't remember how I thought my life was complete without you? It's true. You are my light little guy, and I love you more than you'll ever know.

Happy 4th birthday Eliot.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

In His Own Time

When Eliot was a baby our pediatrician was very pushy about getting him to sleep on his own. I always looked at her like she had two heads because the methods she talked about to get him to do this just wouldn't have worked with Eliot. They just....wouldn't. Eliot being my first I didn't know if I was doing it wrong or if she was just wrong. I never did push him, and I'm glad, because I see Malcolm and I know that she was talking about babies like Malcolm, who can sleep on their own with just a little push. With Eliot it would've been war, and truthfully he sleeps just fine now. I've learned to trust my gut.

Eliot still uses a "nana" (aka pacifier). I see other parents taking their children's nana's away, giving them to the nana fairy, forcing the issue. We slowly dialed back on where the nana could be used over the last few years. We got rid of it in the car (oh, the week of screaming that caused), daycare got rid of it for naps, grandma "lost" hers. I stopped buying more. We were down to one last nana. One nana that had begun to break apart and crack where he had bitten down on it. I was a little worried he would swallow pieces, and he couldn't suck on it any more because of the crack. He continued to use it and ask for it. Last night he was showing me the crack and telling me it was broken:

Eliot: See Mama? It's got a big crack, it's broken.
Me: Yup. It looks like it might be time to throw that nana away.
Eliot: Why?
Me: Well, it's broken and they don't make nanas for kids your age. You're getting pretty big for nanas and when you're ready you can throw your nana away.
Eliot: Oh.
Me: It's okay, you can do it when you're ready.
Eliot: I'm ready.

And then he gets up to go to the garbage. I kept calling after him saying he didn't have to be ready and then I realized I was crying. I didn't let him throw it in the garbage. We put it up on the dresser in our bedroom just in case. He didn't ask for it. He fell asleep with no problems and slept in this morning.

I don't know if I'm ready.

Friday, January 31, 2014

Happy First Birthday Malcolm!

Dear Malcolm -

What did we do without you!? You are a ray of sunshine, a bit of laughter. You're funny, you're fun, and you fit so well into our family. It's been a year since you were born, a year since I met your tiny, beautiful, bruised face. A year since another little person has been out in this world carrying my heart with them everywhere they go. Looking back on the pictures and videos I took from the year, I found many from your first few months where I would record 5+ minutes of me just talking and staring at you. Those lazy maternity leave moments between just the two of us of you cooing and me trying to get you to smile. Oh how I miss my tiny newborn Malcolm, but I love the you that is right now. It's all my favorite. You are brave and brazen and ready to do whatever your brother does. You love to run away from me and look back with a big grin on your face to make sure I'm following. You do things you think or know you shouldn't and then look at me with a satisfied smirk, waiting for my reaction. I love watching you figure these things out. You like to cuddle with blankets, you like to jump on the bed (with my help), you like to scale things you shouldn't, and open cupboards and drawers and just explore! You love it when I carry you facing out and we chase Eliot through the house and collapse somewhere all together. I wish I could get that smile on camera, your wispy hair blowing up in the breeze, laughter and pure joy on your face. These are moments I wish I could bottle up forever. You can say "hi," "uh-oh," "dada," and of course, "vroom." You may have said "mama" but you weren't looking at me. Mama's can wait. Your laugh is contagious. I cannot believe how much love I have for you.You're in a needy stage right now. A stage I remember with Eliot at about the same age. A stage where I cannot even put you down to make dinner without you putting your head on the floor and crying in frustration. I hate doing it to you, but dinner must be made. You've started to throw little tantrums sometimes, head on the floor and laid full out, or throwing your head back and screaming. Tantrums are so cute at this age, they won't be in about a year so I'm enjoying it while I can. Not that I delight in your frustration, but I delight in the fact that you have an opinion and that you are developing normally. You are my second son, but you are your own person in every way. I don't know why I expected another Eliot. You are Malcolm, you are your own you, you do things like you and only you can. I love getting to know you more every day. Happy first birthday my little peanut. I look forward to many more.

Music by Devotchka, The Winner Is