In His Own Time

When Eliot was a baby our pediatrician was very pushy about getting him to sleep on his own. I always looked at her like she had two heads because the methods she talked about to get him to do this just wouldn't have worked with Eliot. They just....wouldn't. Eliot being my first I didn't know if I was doing it wrong or if she was just wrong. I never did push him, and I'm glad, because I see Malcolm and I know that she was talking about babies like Malcolm, who can sleep on their own with just a little push. With Eliot it would've been war, and truthfully he sleeps just fine now. I've learned to trust my gut.

Eliot still uses a "nana" (aka pacifier). I see other parents taking their children's nana's away, giving them to the nana fairy, forcing the issue. We slowly dialed back on where the nana could be used over the last few years. We got rid of it in the car (oh, the week of screaming that caused), daycare got rid of it for naps, grandma "lost" hers. I stopped buying more. We were down to one last nana. One nana that had begun to break apart and crack where he had bitten down on it. I was a little worried he would swallow pieces, and he couldn't suck on it any more because of the crack. He continued to use it and ask for it. Last night he was showing me the crack and telling me it was broken:

Eliot: See Mama? It's got a big crack, it's broken.
Me: Yup. It looks like it might be time to throw that nana away.
Eliot: Why?
Me: Well, it's broken and they don't make nanas for kids your age. You're getting pretty big for nanas and when you're ready you can throw your nana away.
Eliot: Oh.
Me: It's okay, you can do it when you're ready.
Eliot: I'm ready.

And then he gets up to go to the garbage. I kept calling after him saying he didn't have to be ready and then I realized I was crying. I didn't let him throw it in the garbage. We put it up on the dresser in our bedroom just in case. He didn't ask for it. He fell asleep with no problems and slept in this morning.

I don't know if I'm ready.