Halfway Home

20 weeks...writing that fills me with alternate feelings of joy and anxiety. Joy at the thought that our little guy is getting bigger and stronger and closer to coming home each day.
Now the anxiety...I'm sure all new parents must feel this, but maybe being a first time parent it hits you harder. It's definitely a walk into the unknown, even if I have glimpses of it when I visit friends or when I babysat. I sometimes feel that since I struggled to get here, I shouldn't complain. That I should always be overjoyed to be pregnant, take all the bad with the good. Okay, so looking back at my previous posts, I obviously didn't have too much trouble complaining, but now I'm having other feelings. Feelings like oh my god what have we done. Please don't judge me, it was really hard to write that, but sometimes the unknown is scary and I'm at least not afraid to talk about my fear. That doesn't mean that I'm not also excited and already completely in love with this little guy. I wait for his kicks now, he even has a schedule. I love feeling him move, I love that it's his and mine to share. What I think I mean is that this fear is more of a feeling that things are going to change and since everything is going so well now, change is scary. Even positive change. I can't even describe how elated I am to be at 20 weeks, things are a lot more real now.
Chris has been working hard on the downstairs rooms. So far we have a fully painted nursery, primed wood paneling in the family room, and stuff everywhere! I've already started getting hand-me-downs from friends, and my mom bought us our first package of diapers. We purchased our rocker/glider last weekend too. I am SO EXCITED for it, it's gorgeous and just about the most comfortable thing ever. Our carpet is waiting at the carpet shop, once Chris is done painting we'll have that installed. This weekend we're going to buy our crib and dresser. After that we get to register! Bring on the scan gun!