Overdue. What an ugly word to me right now!
This is one of the hardest things I've ever done! Just to wait, to constantly think that maybe these Braxton-Hicks contractions might turn into something, to have people constantly calling and asking if the baby is here yet, to have Chris jump every time I call him to see if he needs me to pick up anything from the store. Sigh. I start every conversation on the phone with people saying "No baby." It's tough.
I have been alternating between complete misery at being pregnant for one more second even, and really trying to enjoy and appreciate this short time baby and I have left together like this. It's hard to enjoy when you're uncomfortable, exhausted, and huge. Not to mention feel like a ticking time bomb. People see me out and ask me when my due date is. I get varied responses when I answer "last friday." One guy told me I should probably just stay home. Obviously I made him nervous. But I do realize that this time is special. The time with the baby is something I'll never get back. He'll never be this close to me again, and it'll never be just the two of us. It's nice in some ways, feeling him move and talking to him. I'm trying to enjoy the Chris and me time too. This is the end of just us. We're going to have a family....in some ways I'm mourning the end of the two of us, but ecstatic to begin our life as 3 (plus two furballs). I feel like we're ready for this, but it's still a huge change.
A friend who also went overdue said it well. It feels like you've done something wrong. Like everyone is waiting for this baby and you haven't had it. It's frustrating because believe me when I say I've tried talking my body into labor! Apparently this is one of those things people have no control over. Go figure.
I'm working 6 hour days this week, and then I'm starting my leave next week whether he decides to show or not. I'm tired, it hurts to sit for 9-10 hours and I need a nap every day, also I'm kind of phasing out of the work we have - doesn't make sense for me to be too plugged in when I'm going to leave for 12 weeks.
Because I want to remember if I'm ever pregnant again (I can't even THINK about being pregnant again right now), I have made progress. 1 cm dialated, 50% effaced, and 0 station. That was on my due date. They will let me go 2 weeks overdue. There will be a baby by the end of this month!
I'm so anxious to meet this little guy! I want to see him, meet him, snuggle him. It's so hard to imagine this person who's just been a series of kicks and punches to me! I'm also strangely not that nervous about labor. I'm sure I'll change my tune but I just want it over with already. I'll take whatever comes. It means I'll have my baby here, I'll get to start getting my body back, start eating what I want again without worrying about it, and enjoy a glass of wine every now and then....or pop a couple ibuprofren when I need to! It can't be long now...nobody is pregnant forever. Right?
sausage and potato roast with arugula
11 hours ago