Favorite Things

I have to stop myself sometimes. From the consumerism. From buying this little person everything out there. Right now he doesn't even care. He starts getting into zippers and buttons and I think, Oh! I could go get one of those dog toys with zippers and buttons! While he is content to play with the ones on my shirt. He loves my car keys...and I think, Oh! I could buy him that set of car keys for babies I saw at Target! While I can also just detach the key I need from its ring and give him the rest to play with. I love showing him new things though, I love blowing his mind. The first time we bounced a ball in front of him he wouldn't stop giggling...I would do most anything to make him giggle like that over and over again. And I have to stop and think, that buying him everything isn't what's going to make him happy. Buying him everything now may set a precedent too....one that my pocketbook can't keep up with once he's into Xboxes and Hockey.

But I also stopped to think about my childhood. About the things that stuck with me. The things that made me the happiest. And mostly it wasn't things. It was my parents tucking me into bed every night and kissing us goodnight. The way they used to make the blankets fly up above us, and make us laugh right before going to sleep. Sunday mornings climbing into my parents bed with the newspaper and reading the funnies, all 5 of us up there, plus the cat (and - is that even going to happen anymore? Everyone climbing in bed to read the kindle doesn't sound as great as spreading the paper all over the bed. I'm mourning the downturn of the paper). Making pillow forts out of the couch cushions. Roughhousing. Trips to the Y with my dad, swimming, basketball, and exploring...and always the smell of spilled coffee in his car. Baking cookies and pretending we were in the batter. Licking the spoon. Shopping with my mom. Summer trips to Valleyfair, and we always had a picnic lunch in the back of the car. Swimming pools in the backyard. Those twilight summer games that would spontaneously happen with the neighbor kids - kick the can, red rover, some ghost game. Playing in the woods - god we loved to play in the woods. We played so hard sometimes! Building snow forts. Sledding, and coming in for hot chocolate. Fires in the fireplace and telling ghost stories. Sitting in the gutter and letting the water stream over our backs when it rained (we lived in a cul-de-sac, there was no traffic - don't judge!). Summer weekends at the cabin, and smells are such a huge part of my memory, I can literally taste the grass and sunscreen while I'm writing this. Bonfires at the cabin. Mom making pancakes for breakfast. Driving home from any holiday at my grandparents. I will never feel as safe and secure as I used to feel falling asleep in the car coming home from a holiday. There is an unmatched exhaustion after playing with your cousins and gorging yourself on food, and an unmatched sense of security experienced in the presence of your parents as a child. I will probably never feel that secure, and never sleep that well again. Too many adult worries and responsibilities. And you don't appreciate that while you have it, if you knew how little control and security your parents really had over the world, you wouldn't have it anyways.

And oh! How I hope I can afford these things for my son! How I hope I can give him half of the security and contentment that my parents gave me.

Eight is Great

Yea. I had to go there. Happy eigth monthday little man!

Not sure why the splayed legs. Sitting stability? And I'm sure he thanked me for finally dressing him in a long sleeved onesie. It's February and it's been cold for months!

Feeding our childs plastic bottle obsession.

And balls. This kid loves balls.

Ha. This would also be his pooping face. You go Eli!

Teething biscuits are surprisingly like dog biscuits. He's surprised as well.

First time in a swing - we had a couple 40-50 degree days where we could get outside. He loved the swing and I can't wait for summer. We will spend a lot of time at this park!

In a surprising fit of domesticity, I sewed Eliot a taggies blanket. He loves it, and I am so proud of myself. Full disclosure though. Grandma helped, and did the finishing touches. Thank goodness for Grandma's guidance!

The following pictures were not taken by us. They are just a few of the incredible pictures by my friend Jessica who took Eli's 6 month photos (as well as my maternity photos and Eli's newborn photos). They are amazing and if you are looking for a professional photographer she is your girl. She's also expecting a little one of her own - congratulations Jess & Derek!! 

This photo needs a caption above his head. And I love it.

Seriously. My heart.

Those eyes!

Looking more grown up than he has a right to.

Just like last month, this is the best month ever! Are you seeing a trend here? You've come a long way this month. You're even more interactive, you love people. Love new places. You learned to wave bye-bye, you have separation anxiety...which breaks my heart because I have to drop you off at daycare twice a week and it's so hard to leave when you're crying and reaching out to me. And that! You reach out to people you want to hold you now. It may be the most amazing feeling in the world to be trusted and loved by a baby. Because we had to work to get here, and you trust us and reach out to us and you are so innocent. It's indescribable to be the one you want to go to. I am humbled by your love.

You're a champion sitter - you could sit forever. You're not crawling yet but you get up on all fours and rock back and forth. I'm fine with that - I am so excited for you to crawl but not excited to baby proof. You are fairly proficient at sliding yourself backwards. You poor thing, it looks frustrating! You learned to blow raspberries this month and it makes your dad and me laugh so much. It's my favorite trick of yours. I tried to rock you to sleep the first night you learned it and you just sat there and blew raspberries for about 20 minutes. I had to keep myself from busting out laughing so you would go to sleep. You still sing yourself to sleep, especially in the car. It is so stinking cute. You love music. When there's a song you like you'll rock back and forth to it. You love faces, you touch peoples faces all the time. You are still obsessed with the cat and the dog. They tolerate you. The dog is starting to realize you drop food, you may become his favorite soon enough. You're eating more food - spinach, peas, carrots, broccoli, chicken, sweet potatoes, bananas, yogurt, blueberries, mangoes, avocado...and there's more that I've forgotten. You want everything off our plate, and it makes me want to be a better eater! You almost have your top two teeth in, they're so close I can feel them! You're just a lot of fun. You love to play, love to be tickled and surprised and held upside down (which your dad is more than happy to oblige you in), love cars and trucks, and you have a circle of people you know and love and who love you right back more than you'll ever realize. I cherish every moment I get with you, every moment when I am your world, because I know you are going to grow up so fast and although I'll always be your mama, you'll be much more independent. Which is good. And sad. You adore your dad. You guys are going to be trouble - and its so special to see you together. You're a lucky boy, to have such a great dad. You're a better sleeper now. You sleep longer and easier...it's nice. We love you lots little boy. I cannot believe how fast you're growing. Feel free to slow down any time.

Pay it forward

So, I need your help. I know I don't get many comments, but I think there are 4 or 5 people out there who read this thing...I would love to get the help of some people more creative than I am!

A little background - 2011 has been kind of a downer so far. I can't complain too much, nothing horrible or life altering (knock on wood) has occurred, but I've just been down. Between this weather we've been having, the lack of sleep, the dog constantly needing and not getting attention, the cat looking old and maybe on his last leg, the fact that I don't feel like I have enough time to devote to my marriage or myself, the fact that I haven't been working out as much as I need to to keep me sane, work, the baby having separation anxiety, teething, and the ten million colds and one awful weight loss flu that has hit our house it's just been not exactly happy. But I'm not trying to complain here, just dealing with normal every day stresses at our place.

This morning I stopped at a local coffee shop to get a cup of tea. After ordering I looked down and there was a note something to the effect of "A friendly neighbor bought the first $100 in drinks this morning - it's your lucky day!"

Now doesn't that just make you think?! $100. In some ways, it's a somewhat trivial amount, I can spend $100 at Target in no time at all. But it's not trivial...it's a week of groceries, 2 weeks of gas, a new outfit, or a really nice dinner out. Someone gave that up for themselves to give happiness to other people. And he did (the barista said it was a he), my mood is lifted, I feel a little bit better about humanity today, as corny as that may sound, and I'm proud of my neighbors and I want to pay it forward.

But I don't know what to do.

I don't have $100 to give away (did I mention our dishwasher broke? And we just had to buy a new washing machine? Sigh). But I could afford some money, but I'm not even sure what to do. I don't ever go to drive through restaurants, which I think is the typical thing to do - buy the next person's tab. I could shovel the whole sidewalk next time it snows...but I usually don't get home in time to do it before our neighbors do ours. Help me out internet, how do I pass this good feeling on to others??

7 Months

7 months old. Mom's timing was off, so the smile was a little less on than the other months.

He's got a mean right hook. He may be trying to tell me he's done with these monthly pictures. Too bad kiddo - you're mine until you can walk away. How's that for motivation?

Kisses from Grandma on Christmas Eve Morning. You should be used to this by now.

Christmas morning and looking ridiculously excited about his sled.

First swimming lessons!

Granpda - 58 years old on the 18th. Eliot - 7 months on the 18th. Eliot really dressed up for our dinner out.

This kid wants to do everything we do.


Ha. Haha. My litlle elf.

Twins. About 30 years apart.

Okay, so I'm backdating this because we had The Plague and then I had to travel for work. Really, there was no ability to write anything coherent when you think you're going to die. It is so hard to leave out the stuff that he learned to do in the last week!!

I feel like I'm going to forget so much. Too much. I'm trying so hard to write it all down but there are so many little things, little routines you get into, that disappear without us noticing. You do this thing with your hands, we call it motorcycle hands, where you look like you're revving a motorcycle. You think it's funny when I sound like a monkey. When you're in your saucer you'll jump now if I jump. You love mirrors and give huge smiles to the baby you see in there. You'll have squealing conversations (okay, so they're one-sided) with the cat and the dog, trying to get them to respond! You've got your 2 bottom teeth and are getting your top ones soon - I can tell because you're not sleeping and chewing on everything that gets in your way. Including us. Your first swim lessons were this month. You liked it - liked watching your hand move through the water. Your favorite part was when they gave you a rubber duck to chase after. You like to move through the water to get it. That class is so full of cuteness it's sick. 13 babies under 2 years old. Ridiculous. You are SO ready to move. You're getting into a crawling position, but kind of slide onto your stomach pretty quickly after that. You lunge yourself at whatever you want - and just expect us to catch you. Before, I was thinking it would be no big deal when you started moving but all of a sudden your activity level has skyrocketed. It's gonna be nuts.

Food. You're a pretty good eater - you love bananas, sweet potatos, carrots, apples, pears, and blueberries. You're not so nuts about peaches, mangoes, green beans, and avocado. Not really big on anything green yet.

Christmas was this month. It was a lot for all of us - but such a special day. We got you a sled, a spinning car toy, balls, and clothes. You were true to the old saying that you enjoyed the wrapping paper more. Your grandparents did a good job of not going too overboard on your gifts - you won't remember and you won't play with gifts you get this age anyways. It was fun to have a little child in the family though - I missed that. You love a crowd though - you don't mind being passed around at all, and skipped all your naps that day. Overwhelming, but such a fun day.
It's 2011 now. No longer the year you were born....you're getting too close to 1 year old for my comfort but there's no slowing you down.

6 months! Half a year! AH!

Pretty sure the bear shrunk this month.

Pre-food practice time

A christmas elf!

Eli's first snowstorm - he was unimpressed. We left him sitting there for about 15 minutes and he didn't make a peep. Probably overwhelmed by our parenting skills.

His lack of enthusiasm continues

And here he's just giving me the stink eye. You live in Minnesota kid, get used to the weather.

First trip to Underwater World at MOA - he loved it!

Vikings Cheerleaders. All Eli could pay attention to was BOOBS. Typical boy!

HARDCORE!

Thumbs up to apples mom - I had no idea toys could taste so good!

6 months. How has it been half a year since you were born. You look oh so big to me now, even though I already know I'll look back and wonder at how small you once were! You are so able, and you're not even walking. You're reaching, stretching, twisting, throwing, crying, laughing, smiling, screaming, grabbing your way into whatever you want. And we help you. We let you. We want you too but at the same time don't. I want you to stay my baby, to be this sweet and this exciting and new forever. But that would be a disservice, because you are ready to get into everything, and I can't wait to see you grow. Grabbing our plates, our phones, our cups, our hands, my hair, my lips, my heart. You play now, all by yourself - you take your toys and hit them together and fling them to the floor. You're so surprised at what you can do! I can see the amusement in your eyes when you make something happen....the fact that you can manipulate the world! I can see the little boy you are slowly becoming, your face matured this month, your body is so much longer, so much bigger. You got your first tooth and I've never been so excited about a tooth in my life. You ate your first food and thought it was a little weird...sweet potatoes...I adore them so I figured you'd immediately love them. But I think you need to try it a couple more times to get the hang of what food is, you're going to love food if you're anything like me! You're sitting now, and almost getting into crawling positions, you get your little butt up in the air, but you're not quite there yet. We'll wait. It's all going so fast. You adore the cat and the dog - that cat is going to be your motivation to crawl!

You can be quite serious. It takes you a second to warm up to people. But you get in moods where you'll crack up at one thing over and over. Your dad is best at this, apparently he's hilarious. You played peek-a-boo for the first time, laughing over and over as you hid your face and popped back up and we yelled peek-a-boo. Your dad makes monkey noises and you are rolling in giggles. We all make fools out of ourselves for you. You had your first thanksgiving, and quite enjoyed the party. You love being busy, being entertained, any sort of stimulation! Christmas is coming and I can't wait. You already love staring at the lights on the tree - you'll love wrapping paper. Merry Christmas little man. 2011 look out - it's gonna be a big year for you!

Stats:

16 lbs, 15 oz

25.25 inches

46 cm head

5, 6, 31

Eliot, 5 months

I will eat this bear. I AM A BIG BOY MAMA
These two....loves of my life

The neglected one - 6 years old today!

Just chilling.Trick or Treat. Now how do I get over there...

31. Happy birthday to me too.

Could you get any cooler Eli? We're having a blast watching you grow. Lots of new stuff this month - your babbling continues to get more and more diverse. You have little conversations with yourself all the time. You "sing" when we do, especially when we're rocking you. You love music - love us to sing to you. Your favorites are Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Old McDonald. You get this huge smile on your face every time we sing either one. So we sing them a lot. I never get sick of making you smile and giggle, so I'm often acting like a complete fool. You love it though - wait til you're a teenager....just remember, you started this habit! You're better at rolling, can roll from your back to your side, but never bother to roll to your tummy, but you don't really love being on your tummy, so I think it's a choice. You can almost sit up on your own, and do it for short periods of time, but you topple pretty quick. You love your saucer, and your little einstein music toy. You are not such a fan of your carseat lately. You play with a sippy cup now, and grab for our cups and food. You're pretty close to eating real food yourself...and I can't believe how fast that's coming up. You've got an awesome laugh, and join in when people around you are laughing...trying to be part of the group already. You are so freaking cute - people stop me to tell me how cute you are. You're still pretty gross though. Daycare talks about how gassy you are, you cover everything with spitup, and you are great at having ill-timed explosive poops. Like I said, it's a good thing you're cute, we'll keep ya.

ZZZZs

So, having had a baby, I have learned that I would not judge other peoples parenting decisions (parenting decisions within reason of course). I think some of this parenting thing is just treading water and doing the best you can with what you have and the insane amount of conflicting information.



Me? Right now? I'm going with my gut.



So sleep. Ever since I got pregnant it's become HUGE. Like I need it, I love it, I gotta have it. After Eli was born, sleep was even more important. And for a while, it felt like all we both did even though there was never enough of it. When Eli first got home, I couldn't bear for him to be apart from me, I couldn't sleep if he was away from me and *I* didn't know that he was ok. I was his mama and only I could be sure he'd be ok. But he kept on breathing, he was fine while other people were holding him, and my crazy brain settled down on that part. We tried co-sleeping a few times, but our little man had some serious gas issues and wiggled and kicked like nobody's business. So he slept in lots of different places, many times on us. Mostly, we stole sleep wherever we could get it, on the couch, bed, floor, etc. Chris used to let him sleep on his stomach (GASP!) while he watched him so I could get at least a 3-4 hour stretch before he went to bed himself. Babies are hard on a breastfeeding woman, desperate times and whatnot. One night, Chris discovered the swing. And oh, what a wonderous tool that was. From about 7 weeks until about 12-13 weeks our little bug would sleep in his swing, sometimes 9 hours at a stretch, and every so often I worried that we would be rigging up a swing for a 16 year old boy to sleep in, but I got over it. It was sleep, it was LONG sleep, and I was human again. Around 13 weeks, something changed. He had a major growth spurt and all of a sudden the swing was EVIL no good very rotten and scream-inducing. Oh swing, even though I worried about what we were doing to our baby with you, I miss you so much for your sleep inducing ways. So, Eli would suddenly sleep nowhere but in the bed. With me! Which, because he was growth spurting and I was back to work was totally fine, because that little guy was up every 2 hours eating. We were both a little crabby about it too. There was no way I was getting my ass outta bed 5 times a night to go feed him. Growth spurts are hard on everyone. That settled down, although he still wouldn't sleep in his swing. He started going to bed earlier and earlier, until it moved to 6:30, which is where it's at now. He slept in his pack n play for about a day until I went to bed, and then would come sleep with us, and then that was not the answer either. White noise worked for a while, but for about 2 weeks we couldn't figure out anything that worked other than holding him until I decided to go to sleep, where he would sleep pretty well, only waking up about 2-3 times to eat. So now, I put him down in our bed at 6:30, where he sleeps until I come to bed. If you move him to his pack n play, he wakes up screaming within seconds. Not sure why he's decided it's evil, but whatever for now. He's sleeping. I'm sleeping. Chris is sleeping. Yes, he's in our bed, yes my pediatrician has berated me for this. But do you know what? It's working. We're all sleeping. He's not going to sleep in our bed forever. It's safe. And I get to cuddle with my little man every night, which is important for this working mama. People have been doing this since the beginning, it feels like the most natural thing in the world for us right now, and I just don't have the energy to get up every 5 minutes to calm him down from screaming in his pack n play, and I refuse to let him cry it out...he's an escalator (stairs? ha.), and he would only pass out from exhaustion and our hearts couldn't take it.

So yes, I co-sleep. I'm not going to be ashamed of it either. I've found that most people ask me if I'm going to roll over onto him...I just won't and I just don't. There's some sort of 6th sense with him...it sounds crazy but there is. From admitting what we're doing, I've found other parents who do it too. It's all hush-hush and not socially acceptable, but I saw a statistic that 70% of parents do it in some shape or form at one time or another. My baby will still be independent one day, and will grow up way too fast. If he needs to be close to his mama when he's only 4 months old, so be it. So I'm giving it time. It may not work for us tomorrow, it may still work for us in a year. Either way, it works for now.