Halfway Home

20 weeks...writing that fills me with alternate feelings of joy and anxiety. Joy at the thought that our little guy is getting bigger and stronger and closer to coming home each day.
Now the anxiety...I'm sure all new parents must feel this, but maybe being a first time parent it hits you harder. It's definitely a walk into the unknown, even if I have glimpses of it when I visit friends or when I babysat. I sometimes feel that since I struggled to get here, I shouldn't complain. That I should always be overjoyed to be pregnant, take all the bad with the good. Okay, so looking back at my previous posts, I obviously didn't have too much trouble complaining, but now I'm having other feelings. Feelings like oh my god what have we done. Please don't judge me, it was really hard to write that, but sometimes the unknown is scary and I'm at least not afraid to talk about my fear. That doesn't mean that I'm not also excited and already completely in love with this little guy. I wait for his kicks now, he even has a schedule. I love feeling him move, I love that it's his and mine to share. What I think I mean is that this fear is more of a feeling that things are going to change and since everything is going so well now, change is scary. Even positive change. I can't even describe how elated I am to be at 20 weeks, things are a lot more real now.
Chris has been working hard on the downstairs rooms. So far we have a fully painted nursery, primed wood paneling in the family room, and stuff everywhere! I've already started getting hand-me-downs from friends, and my mom bought us our first package of diapers. We purchased our rocker/glider last weekend too. I am SO EXCITED for it, it's gorgeous and just about the most comfortable thing ever. Our carpet is waiting at the carpet shop, once Chris is done painting we'll have that installed. This weekend we're going to buy our crib and dresser. After that we get to register! Bring on the scan gun!

Weeks 18 & 19

I blame work. I was unable to post last week because I was working. I'm a little tired with the whole working, home stuff, and CREATING LIFE ya know. Sheesh.

Last week though! Not much happened but Chris painted the entire nursery!! YAY NESTING! So we have a new light, the nursery is painted, and another carpet guy is coming tomorrow for an estimate. We'll see how that goes. We're supposed to go buy either our crib, dresser, or rocker this weekend too. Things are falling into place!

We also had our big ultrasound this week - it's definitely a boy! The ultrasound went well...they did find something on his heart that can be a soft marker for downs syndrome, but the dr explained that since I had the NT scan and my risk came back 1/10,000, he thinks it's nothing. THANK GOD I HAD THAT SCAN. Or really, I'd be a mess. I'm still kind of a mess from it, but not as bad as it could be. But the baby looks great! He's moving all the time - speaking of which, the same night we had our ultrasound, Chris felt the baby kick! TWICE! It was one of the coolest moments of my life...Chris seemed impressed but not like I expected. Most guys do to me though. The rest of the week was pretty uneventful, I've been researching decorations and baby stuff and working on not freaking out about daycare. Sometimes I sing to the baby, or talk to him...I hope he likes that. Poor thing is captive.

I still look just....kind of pregnant. Like people look at my belly (I see them) but it's still not obvious to say anything. It's funny to watch...there's a skit about not asking a women if she's pregnant unless you can see the baby coming out of her...it's probably smart.

Holy crap wow.

I felt the baby. IT'S ALIVE! Oh my god, I can't believe it. This is the coolest thing ever. I'm not feeling it super often, but if I'm still I can feel it. Hello baby! I also swear to god it kicked me when I took off my bella band yesterday. Kind of like, get me some room in here women and stop caring about your pants falling off. Sorry kid, pants win. I'm loving this.

17 weeks. It's 2010. Wow, my kid will never remember the 90's or the 00's, and they will sound as distant to him as the 60's and 70's sound to me. New year's was awesome, we went and hung out with my brother and his girlfriend, they are the awesome. We had a really great time and Chris was able to take advantage of having a sober cab, albeit a very tired sober cab. Creating life is exhausting people!

So the baby is doing well, I'm feeling pretty darn great. I've outgrown all but 2 pairs of my regular pants though, and some shirts have stopped fitting. I have not stepped on a scale in a month though. I'm scared. Sleep is weird, but it usually is for me. I have been trying to lay on my side, but sometimes wake up on my back. I got a pillow to help with it, and I have been sleeping on my side more consistently. I feel so guilty when I wake up on my back!

I'm really looking forward to our big u/s on the 12th. I can't wait to see the baby again, and find out 100% what we're having. EEEKKK!!

Today we're having a carpet guy come over for an estimate, going shopping for a crib, and going out to dinner with my family for my brother's birthday. It's going to be busy - which is ok, because yesterday even though we had the best of intentions, Chris and I literally never left the couch. It was also the awesome. I slept until 11:30 and still went to bed at 10 last night.

So things have been good, I can't believe I'm at 17 weeks already. 3 more weeks to half way!

Nothing better to do

Look! What's this? No way!!! A picture from Italy? I finally chose one from the 1500+ pictures we took. This is Venice...we had a nice irish couple take our picture for us....it is actually one of the fakest looking backdrops...which is the amazing thing about Venice, it's what the backdrops are trying to be. It is what all the faux finishing yearns to accomplish. Right after this picture, we were splashed by a wave. We were snowed in this weekend. We don't have a fireplace....it's the only option we had.

Check it out. There's a real baby in there that must really be growing. That or I had too many christmas cookies. I know my vote. This is weeks 8-16. It's interesting to me that some of them look bigger the week before than the week after.

One thing I forgot to mention in my weekly update....the anger. I was so angry last week and I couldn't figure out why. I wanted to chop someones head off and Chris sure did try to keep getting in the way of my axe. So what did I do? I went to dr google. I googled "pregnancy and anger". Pretty funny, right? So I was reading, having mood swings is normal, no matter what they are, but there was a particular website that really hit home. I don't know many women who like gaining weight, and it's been coming on fast for me and it's not something I'm used to. This website said that many women may get frustrated at all the things they can't do anymore, that their bodies have been somewhat hijacked. I am definitely feeling that, working out is so different than it was before I got pregnant. I huff and puff, my hips hurt, my ligaments hurt, and I am just supposed to go easy. I haven't been able to run for a couple of weeks, I've done a lot more walking and just more basic activity and I'm used to SWEATING. I love to work out hard, it really helps me mentally and helps regulate my moods, which is something I need help with. I miss it, and it's something I can't wait to get back. So this website said to remember:

You are your baby's shelter, his home, and his life. Be proud of what you're accomplishing. It is amazing.

The anger disappeared, I have goosebumps just thinking about that past sentence. I am humbled, amazed, and overwhelmed that this little life is growing inside me. That I can house something so precious and give it life. It's beyond my comprehension. My body is working hard in a new way...I'll sacrifice what I need to for now.

Sweet 16!

So they say there's this thing called pregnancy brain. It makes you do stupid things and forget normal things. I'm sure I have it...after forgetting to update this thing last week, microwaving nothing in the microwave, and turning on the dishwasher right before I needed to take a shower, I now know that this baby is part zombie and is eating my brainz.

So this is a two week update! Lucky you! I at least have some pictures this time though. So, the week before last, that would be week 15...not much happened actually! At least I didn't sit here and blather on about nothing. Like now. The biggest thing that did happen is that my brothers girlfriend left for Iowa to take 2 years of nursing school. This girl is awesome and also a saint. Look at that, she can put up with my entire family and still smile. I think she's a keeper (HINT HINT BRIAN).

Yes, my dog is part of our family.

This last week? Pretty good. I have had these slight morning and evening bouts of nausea, but nothing that I can't handle...not something I wanted to be a pro at, but look at me! I can handle constant nausea and still smile too! This week was a bit more eventful. My friend Kathryn had her baby, Wyatt. One of the cutest newborns I've ever seen. It was also Christmas! We are so very lucky to have the family we do. Not only are they helping us out immensely with all the stuff we have to buy for the baby, but they are going to help us with childcare and are just a great general sounding board. We are so blessed, and this kid is going to have a great support system. I got a whole bunch of dr seuss books for the speck - I've been reading to him all ready. Don't you love dr seuss? Chris and I have begun speaking in rhyme. I'm sure this only gets worse. We got some baby clothes for Christmas and both Chris and I talked later and both had the thought that holy crap people, aren't you a little early with all this baby stuff? But no...I am now down to 5 months left. 5 months!!! So I am now very concerned about getting the nursery done, which I have very little to do with considering my abilities (Oh, the things you can't do when you're pregnant...innumerable).

It snowed like crazy here this week. 15 inches or so in 3 days. I heard snowpocalypse, snowmaggedon, the great white death. Really, they talk it up like we've never seen snow before. It was kind of crappy driving, but it was a very white Christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Five and Dime

December 11th, 2009 - five years married, 10 years with Chris and 14 weeks pregnant with the speck. There's something special about the number five, five fingers on each hand or foot, 10 fingers and toes total. We'll be counting someone's fingers and toes soon. We celebrated with a trip to Italy (which I still mean to write an update about) in October. I can't believe I've been married as long as we dated...time has begun accelerating at an amazing pace. I never imagined I'd be here when I started dating Chris...not that I thought it wouldn't last, but I just didn't think this far ahead. I love Chris more every year and have never been so comfortable with anyone. I'm so glad I found you and I'm so glad we made it here.
For our actual anniversary we went to a place called Ngon Vietnamese Bistro (and no, I don't know how to pronounce that). It's an organic vietnamese bistro and it was REALLY GOOD. I had steak and potatoes (yea, at a vietnamese restaurant, but whatever, they offered it) and Chris had the duck. For dessert? Ginger creme brulee. Yum. It was a nice low-key evening.
We have almost completely finished our xmas shopping and I am so excited about some of the gifts we've gotten people!! I love xmas, and I love getting people gifts they enjoy. It's one of the best feelings!
So this week? It's been good. I'm feeling so much better and have had quite a bit more energy. I still have moments, especially if I don't eat, but it's overall much better. Nothing too exciting to report this past week, I'm looking forward to feeling the baby move and we've been trying to plan what we need to do with the nursery, the basement, and what we're going to need for the speck. There's a lot of research to do, but Chris seems to think we'll get there.

Foot in Mouth

Remember how I said how much better I was feeling? Stupid Stupid Stupid. I have made the pregnancy gods angry.

10 minutes dry-heaving in the bathroom this morning. Thank you very much second trimester.